Sunday, January 29, 2006

We made it to Eden Canyon again yesterday, here's one from inside.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Today was spent entirely in my pajamas, and the sun spent the majority of its day behind the clouds occasionally flurrying snow on our lawn.
I decided to leave all of troubles and worries behind a shroud of tactical forgetfulness and sit around directing my children in their activities. I even got some reading in between the action and cleaned out several drawers, stuffing the unused or unwanted in bags to be sent off to another service.
January the fifteenth is a day that begs for this sort of behaviour, and luckily, this year it fell on a Sunday. I didn't feel like fixing any pipes, attending any meetings, fulfilling any mandates, heeding any calls, hawking any wares or gathering any offal. I just wanted to see if I could just be, and no more.
I think things went just fine. As my mind skimmed the surface of the day, searching for the fleeting break in the clouds and accompanying shafts of clear light outside, I didn't think of much else besides the walls around me, the fire in our stove and the dear people scurrying about me.
That's how today went.
Here we are in the merry month of January, and with such a huge gap of time betwixt entries, I could write much.
I could write of my layoff from the Academy, with its accompanying tears and notes of regret and support; of the frustration at dismantling my classroom and systems, and of the loss of benefits and income in the middle of the school year.
I could theorize upon the reasons for my dismissal beyond those expressed by the officials of both districts and further upon reasons for hobbling the entire program at Sanpete Academy.
But what's the use, there's so much more to talk about!
There's the climate of political suspicion and mistrust here in Springtowne- with councilmen saying one thing on record and doing quite another, and those politics spilling into the local church and causing further discord and dismay. Of off-the-record and secret meetings where who knows what is worked out and done, of non-elected mayors who weren't able to garner enough votes for a counsel seat but were approved by said secret meeting for a two-year term at mayor. But what's the use, that's no fun at all.
I've a new part-time teaching job at a girl's lock-down facility in Manti, teaching seventeen very sweet but very unruly girls English, Arts and Humanities and World Geography. Due to the mid-year departure from my previous job, chaotic circumstances, and my own lack of back ups, I've lost a couple of years of work on my school computer and am piecing things back together for the girls in Manti. More confusion for their lives of too much of that.
Drie and I have been talking much of changes for our family and of where and when to instigate those changes. Drie has been speaking about her feelings that change was imminent for quite a while now, and since I've lost about the only full time job suited to me that can remotely support a family of our size in this county, a change in venue might indeed be imminent. But where?
We've become very acclimatized to rural life, to the quiet and proximity to the mountains and desert that our location affords. We enjoy the absence of traffic, hustle, and indifference that city life engenders, but there are big drawbacks to our place, too.
Our home is too small, broken-down and organizationally challenged for our family and situation. We've very little irrigation water for our one acre plot of parched clay. And we feel a certain ambivalence from, and, in turn to the community at large. We are animals of a different color (and perhaps breed or species)from the overwhelming majority of those in rural Utah; on top of that, we are pretty introverted and unassuming. We have a hard time mixing, I reckon, so when those with whom we try to mix have very, very different views of basic ideas from ours, it becomes even harder. I can hardly conceive of a place where it would be much better, though, rural or not.
So, who knows. Prehaps we can keep our base here and figure out something more conducive to our ways, closer to family or loved places and better for our creative minds. I'm sure we can make some more lucre if we can become more ourselves more of the time. This undercover game kills a person slowly.
I was sicker than sick on top of sick as I cleaned out my classroom (that didn't help my computer situation, I'm sure) on the 23rd, so Christmas was spent in a certain type of delirium. I'm afraid that I didn't achieve Christmas Closure. I was looking forward to the holiday with a hope that can only be found in a person seeking solace from a life of rejection and uncertainly, so it was a blow indeed. Next Christmas will be here before we know it, so I'll survive, I'm sure.
We shot down to my parent's house in AZ a couple of days after Christmas, as soon as I could reasonably maintain focus on the road in front of me. Much of the time down there was spent recouping from the illness, but it also gave me a change of scenery stark enough to shake my outlook from the bleakness that it had taken on over the past few months. We were able to see my dear brother and sister and their families, spending much time together just doing silly things and talking from time to time about the changes we are all experiencing in life.
That was time well spent.
On our way home, Drie and I talked much about the changes our perspectives were able to undergo. Overall, we feel good about things. We feel some modicum of optimism about the future, although we've no idea where it is going come to fruition, and are looking actively for the answers to many questions. Who knows what the next while will bring?