Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Sometimes it seems that my ability to think and process information in the midst of the action rises and falls like a tsunami tide.

It's doesn't seem contingent upon how much I’m doing of what is on my mind, it seems more connected to what I ate three days ago than anything right now in the moment.

There are vitamins, chelated supplements, blue-green algaes, juiced sprouts and all manner of foodstuffs advertised to be cure-ills and cure-alls for every fatigue and insufficiency known to modern people, but I've not found anything that matches something to look forward to in sheer ability to keep one energized and happy to be alive.

When there is something present in my life sufficient to get me energized, something that I actually want to get out of bed early in the morning for, I seem to have that sought-after ability to think on my feet, a wit and edge to my person and interactions.

That doesn't happen very often.

If you know me, perhaps you might have noticed my slurred speech and stuttering reply. One upside is that I'm noticing this, or that I have the wherewithal to stand back and see how my mind and psyche are operating and interacting. I can see that there are woeful inadequacies, and that there are things that affect the severity of my day-to-day moods and interactions with others, well, I must include myself in those interactions. My interactions with myself are a bit up and down as well.

So, I'm on a quest to document and analyze this odd amalgam of stressors, additives, stimuli, lack of stimuli, etc. to raise my level of hope and bright outlook.

Bright outlook. That in itself might be enough to spur me on to success in this project. That would be nice to have more often.

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