I felt sick this morning but went to work anyway. It didn't last very long.
Yesterday was a day of struggle as my co-workers fidgeted and worked on tentative plans for the new arrangements that are coming with the new year, so I was feeling left out and unneeded. No, it was more like rejected and unwanted, as they were discussing new directives of the superintentents that included my absence in the school and a directive to abandon my little room that I have worked so hard to make into an inviting and comfortable place for the students and I.
The teachers at our school are naturally an independet lot, each strong in a way that enables them to work with our little angry and sad children especially well. To see them discussing ways to submit to the blessed administrators who really don't know a thing about what we're doing makes me feel angry and sad myself.
But what is a person to do? The tune is set by these middle-level men and they sing the songs prescribed by the higher ups who politik and set agendas that look as good as they can on the surface without showing through for the fakery it really is.
It is all fairly pathetic, and pathetic is what I really feel as one low man in need of approbabtion and money so that I can keep my family fed and clothed.
It is hard for some people to walk in such a way to impress the people who have accumulated power and acclaim by impressing those who had power and acclaim before them, but that is how things work, that is the order of things.
Rewards are given for increasing the power, prestige and riches of those who already have them.
I went to work today, but I couldn't stay, so I went home for a while and then drove around to see things and listen to music.