Saturday, February 21, 2004

From time to time, I realize that I'm not being essentially true to my core values. When I examine that situation further, I usually find the reason isn't a breach of those values so much as a drifting away from an essential tenet or ritual that reflects and solidifies that value.

I'm not a huge fan of scriptures as long reading. I feel they are a record of someone else's spiritual or religious journey, and there can be lots of filler between the gems that resonate with my soul.

Particularly at this time in my life, with six kids, an entropic house, and a sometimes emotionally demanding job, I don't have too much extra energy to put into sifting chaff from any staff of life, particularly scriptural reading. I have made a few scriptures from a select few books the core of my spiritual life. They are my moral, spiritual and mystical basis, and they come to me in many situations in daily life when I am grounded in their messages.

I haven't taken time to review them or their meanings in any depth for quite a while, nor have I engaged them in any real way with any ritual such as prayer, tai chi or meditation, ways that I internalize the values I wish to keep close to my heart. Those things take huge amounts of energy to instigate and do right, but they give back much more when a level of discipline is reached.

Discipline is something that comes easily to those who truly engage in their mission and purpose. It's clear that there's something amiss in that area of my life.

I think that if I engage in closer communion with my core rituals and ideals, that the missing parts will become clearer to me. Perhaps I can engage in a cycle of discipline and purpose in order to re-engage my core values.

It's worth a try, at least.

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