Tuesday, April 20, 2004

On days like this, I face the fact that I need a change. I would like to be doing something active with my life, re-engaging with my deepest desires and what little ambition I have left at this tender age of thirty-five.

I am terribly aware that this is a sort of mid-life crisis. I understand that daily grinds are the stock and trade of people in my position, but I find it hard to break out. Besides, it's a farging figment of my stereotypical psychological thirty-five year old mind. There are things to do and bills to pay, and it seems that my senses have dulled somewhat since my last immersion into the world of work in alternative education.

This isn’t to say that I have no spark left, one needs to preserve some kind of hope and idealism in this profession or the kids ferret you out and destroy or ignore you. That’s how it is. But it seems that I am spending most of my energy and creativity on just moving across days and weeks.

The figurative ice is breaking, though. I am still looking for ways and means toward good change, and it will happen. If it doesn't it will mean that I have found satisfaction in my present circumstances. Or something like that.

This is just on my mind today, I hope it brings something from your soul and shows you a jewel. Then just run with it. Go wherever you might, but just keep going strong.

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